Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
