But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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