can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
