Got a toothbrush?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
