Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Come back. Shots need mouths.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
