Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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