I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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