i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize