The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
