so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
