my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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