i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
