if you like me you must not know who I am
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
