my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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