Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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