you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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