So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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