Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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