The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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