I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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