So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
