Pants 0. Shit 1.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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