Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
