You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
