I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize