he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
