Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
