He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
