so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
