I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
