You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
