oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
