He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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