My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
