you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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