she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
