apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize