is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I need a burrito and a hug.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
