It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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