so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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