This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
