Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
