last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
