my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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