I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
