I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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