Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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