why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
