I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
