Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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