Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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