i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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