i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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