i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The ass gains better be worth it
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