I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
