this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
