What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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