using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
