I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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