His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
handjob tips. give me some.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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