They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
