i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
