Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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