just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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