just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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