it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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