tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
