So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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